Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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