i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
