Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize