lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize