I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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