i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't notice because vodka
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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