If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
