I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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