I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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