how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
