Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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