i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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