I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you never un-have a 4some
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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