So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
