does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
