tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
