Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
