I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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