The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize