aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize