I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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