i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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