Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
