Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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