So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
