I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
