Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
