i don't like sucking hair
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
