youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
