she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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