I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
