so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
