I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
