Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
