I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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