so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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