I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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