You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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