so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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