My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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