It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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