yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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