i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
