Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
