Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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