does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Im part way to drunk.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
