its not stalking. its research.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
