So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
