On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
