umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
