oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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