If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
