I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
