If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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