i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
