he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
