Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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