New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she smelled like a LAN party
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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