Whod you bang
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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