Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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