I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
