I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize