When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
