i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
