i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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