So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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