You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
