You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
