I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
