did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
high people should be assigned attendants
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
