I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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