Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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