So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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