So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
