you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
