I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
