Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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