If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
