i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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