after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
