I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
