I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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