He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
