i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
