I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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