And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
