I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
