what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
