Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
