jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ruined the universe
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
