loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
