it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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