so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Everything about him screamed your future.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
