every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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