3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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