If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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