Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize