So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
