So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Randomize
