woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
