I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
