I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
