I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
