dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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