She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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