At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I love having hate sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't deserve a penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
