they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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