Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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