I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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