I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize
