i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
