I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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