after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
