I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
