i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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