Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
