margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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