i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
