Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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